Ode to the Refrigerator

Oh the magic of your hum

Can solve every plight,

Even when your contents  

Don’t indulge my appetite.

As you sing your sad song

The soothing begins,

I can find my happy place

When all is loose ends.

As long as your voice

Continues to breathe,

I could care less

If you hold at 39 degrees.

Having fallen asleep

After saying amen,

I owe to you

My cycles of REM.

The joy in my heart

When I hear your low trill

Can never be described,

Oh appliance of chill.

A Furry of Blarbies [sic]

Thanks to friends Katie Boyd and Bryan Ward for their incredible contributions to our upcoming Barbie product lines.  Enjoy.  (almost all credit must go to Katie for compiling this list and adding the hilarious side notes)

Toothy Line

* Dentures Barbie

* Bucktooth Barbie

* Underbite Barbie

* Headgear Barbie

* Retainer/Braces Barbie

* Meth-teeth Barbie

* Receding Hairline Barbie

Hair Line

* Split Ends Barbie

* Bad Home-Perm Barbie

* Mullet Barbie

* Bottle-Blond-with-Roots Barbie

* Euro Barbie (no danger of your kids playing with razors!  aka known as HPB---Hairy Pits Barbie)

* Nose-hair Barbie

* Mustache Barbie (pairs well with Beard Barbie)

* Hobbit-Feet Barbie

* Unibrow Barbie

* Hippy Barbie (comes with a tiny comb to straighten her armpit hair!)

Malady Line

* Goiter Barbie

* Whiplash Barbie (comes with free neckbrace)

* Canker Sore Barbie

* Paraplegic Barbie (no legs---half price)

* Humpback (aka Hunchback) Barbie

* Varicose Vein Barbie

* Stretch Marks Barbie

* Cankle Barbie

* Lobotomy Barbie

* Pigeon-Toed Barbie

* Bow-legged Barbie (aka “Warpie”)

* PegLeg Barbie (aka Pirate Barbie)

* Cauliflower Ear Barbie

* Ghetto-Booty Barbie (actually, we all know this is not a malady)

Poor-Choice-of-Lifestlye Barbie (teach your children to say no to drugs with

this line!!!)

* Meth teeth Barbie (also in Dental Line)

* Tracheotomy Barbie

* Sunburn Barbie (leathery, wrinkly skin)

* Too-Many-Times-at-the-Tanning Bed Barbie

* Inmate Barbie

Runway Line

* Low-rise Jeans with Love Handles Barbie

* Pleather Barbie

Hollywood Line

* Orc Barbie

* Hobbit-Feet Barbie

* Schwarzenegger Barbie

* Tellatubby Barbie

Career Line

* Hitchhiker Barbie (two-for-one when you buy Tattoo Barbie)

* Mud-Wrestlin' Barbie

* Firefightress Barbie

* Bar-Wench Barbie

* Pirate Barbie (aka PegLeg Barbie)

* Viking Barbie (the ship is extra)

* Long-Haul Trucker Barbie (see Mullet Barbie and Sweatpants Barbie)

* Steve's Shell Barbie  ("she bakes!" **must be from Enterprise to

appreciate this particular doll)

AND, LOOK FOR NEW DEVELOPMENTS IN OUR REALITY BARBIE LINES

The Real Ken

* Beer-Gut Ken

* Comb-Over Ken

* Ex-Priest Ken (comes with detachable clerical collar)

* Copenhagen/Skoal Ken (jeans come with a pre-worn round spot in the back

pocket for the can!)

* Stranglers Ken (aka Too-Tight Wranglers Ken)

Cross-Genre Toys (what a deal!!!! two toys in one!!!!)

* Whoopie Cushion Barbie

* Halitosis Barbie (teach your children about oral hygiene! **also in Dental

Line)

* B.O. Barbie (goes well with "Teen Spirit")

Currently Listening Testimony: Vol. 1, Life & Relationship By India.Arie see related

I'm blogging. So there!

Currently Listening The Magic Numbers By The Magic Numbers see related

Slippy, Slappy, Swanson....Samsonite!

I can't believe how quickly something can end.  Over the past couple of months I have been co-campaign manager for Wallowa County DA candidate D. Zac Hostetter, my bro.  We campaigned HARD right up until election day, and then found out that same day that Zac got the lowest amount of votes.  It was a bummer, and the next day we were taking down all of his signs that we had worked so hard to get up.  Every time my brain starts to rehearse what went wrong I have to give it a mental kick-in-the-pants to get over it and move on!  I am excited for what the future holds for Zac.

Any Wallowa County voter who may read this: in the November general election, DO NOT vote for the current district attorney Dan Ousley.  Vote for Mona K. Williams.  If you want to know more about why, just ask me.

And that was me waxing politically.

Currently Reading Miserables, Les (Penguin Classics) By Victor Hugo see related

My Last Night in Mexico